Child I Never Was, The

Directed by : Kai S. Pieck

Between 1962 and 1966, four schoolboys were abused, tortured and killed in Germany`s Ruhr District. Their tormentor, Jürgen Bartsch, was fifteen at the time of his first crime; nineteen when he was caught. His mesmerizing confession, which frames the re-enactment of his crimes and the circumstances through which they came about, forms the heart of this journey into the dark reaches of a troubled mind. Bartsch`s cold and severe adoptive parents, his terror-filled years at a Catholic boarding school, the discovery of his sexual attraction to boys, his desperate longing to never have to grow up—these and other emotionally charged aspects of his life unfold before us, step by troubling step. Ultimately, however, it is the outward normality of his everyday life that underscores the horror of his deeds. Based on original letters and statements by convicted child murderer Jürgen Bartsch himself, this portrait of an adolescent serial killer is haunting and touching, and sheds keen insight on what social constraints can do to the impressionable. Directed by Kai S. Peck, this film premiered at the Berlin International Film Festival, and won the jury prize at the 2003 San Francisco Lesbian & Gay Film Festival.